About Me

I've Been Where You Are

My childhood looked perfect from the outside, but behind closed doors, it was chaos. My father drank himself to death. I learned early that the only way to survive was to perform, to be what people wanted me to be.

I used every escape route available, drugs, alcohol, work, relationships, anything to numb the pain and avoid facing myself. I was a shredded body with a destroyed mind. Fearful, shameful, and completely disconnected from who I really was.

I felt lonely even when surrounded by people. Restless and confused about why I couldn't just be happy. Afraid that if anyone saw the real me, they'd run away. So I kept acting, the funny guy, the strong guy, the guy who had it all together. But inside, I was dying.

I was stuck in endless cycles of "figure it out", reading books, trying new approaches, promising myself this time would be different. But nothing worked. Just endless regret and the constant feeling that I wasn't good enough, that I was somehow broken beyond repair.

The Breaking Point

Cancer hit me twice. Lying in a hospital bed, completely alone, I finally had to face the truth about my life. I was running from everything, my pain, my past, myself. I had built a fortress of muscle and performance, but inside I was still that scared little boy.

That's when I discovered my default mode. The automatic patterns, beliefs, and survival strategies that had been running my life without my permission. I realized I wasn't living, I was just surviving.

The Transformation

I learned to sit with my discomfort instead of running from it. I faced my default mode patterns head-on. I stopped performing and started being real. It was brutal, uncomfortable, and the most liberating thing I've ever done.

Now I have 4 beautiful kids and know peace on a level I never thought possible. I'm not perfect, I still visit my old patterns sometimes. But now I can see them, choose differently, and live from a place of authenticity instead of survival.

Why I Do This Work

I mentor men because I know what it feels like to be stuck in your own bullshit. I know the shame, the confusion, the feeling that something's wrong but you can't put your finger on it. I know what it's like to have everything look good on the outside while you're dying inside.

Most importantly, I know what it takes to break free. It's not about positive thinking or quick fixes. It's about facing your default mode patterns, the automatic ways you've learned to survive that are now keeping you stuck.